From Yahoo Shine

By Elise Solé, Shine Staff | Parenting FCKH8Today in awesome parenting news: A father, who learned that his daughter disowned his grandson because he was gay, responded in the most amazing way. Dear Christine, I’m disappointed in you as a daughter. You’re correct that we have a “shame in the family”, but mistaken about what it is. Kicking Chad out of your home simply because he told you he was gay is the real “abomination” here. A parent disowning her child is what goes “against nature.” The only intelligent thing I heard you saying in all this was that “you didn’t raise your son to be gay." Of course you didn’t. He was born this way and didn’t choose it any more than he being left-handed. You however, have made a choice of being hurtful, narrow-minded and backward. So, while we are in the business of disowning our children, I think I’ll take this moment to say goodbye to you. I now have a fabulous (as the gays put it) grandson to raise, and I don’t have time for heart-less B-word of a daughter. If you find your heart, give us a call. – Dad. The letter was posted on Monday to the pro-gay youth organization FCKH8's Facebook page. It received more than 5,000 shares, 11,000 likes, and 600 comments. "We are going to be sending his grandpa a free 'Straight Against Hate' tee for being such an awesome example and inspiring so many," FCKH8 spokesperson Luke Montgomery tells Yahoo Shine. "The world needs more parents and grandparents like this who know that the true 'sin' is rejecting your own children just for them being gay." Many parents get it and are expressing their unconditional love in various ways, from penning heartfelt letters to posting Facebook updates that have quickly gone viral. In September, when Michelle Conway McClain from Union, Missouri, learned that her son had come out on Facebook, she posted a response on her own page: "Zach, I was surprised by your Facebook post where you came out. I want you to know that I love you unconditionally. I love you with my actions, not just my words. I'm so proud of you. You are the bravest person I know. I'll fight for you always. Your sexual orientation does not define you. You are still the boy who forever won my heart. The only thing that concerns me is the number of empty soda cups and tea bottles in your room. Throw them away before ants come inside. I love you always, Mom." In March, a father who overheard his son contemplating how to reveal his sexuality, intercepted him with this note: "I overheard your phone conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is to bring home OJ and bread after class. We are out, like you now. I've known you were gay since you were six, I've loved you since you were born. PS: Your mom and I think you and Mike make a cute couple." The letter was also posted on FCKH8's Facebook page. And in January, a 15-year-old named Laurel came out to her parents by baking them a cake (she called it a "gayke") with a message that in part read, "Your acceptance would be the icing on the cake." Then, they ate cake.

At the end of my last post, I said we were going camping. Let me assure older adults that are considering taking up tent camping in the winter that you are suffering from impaired judgement. It's cold out there! Public showers are no fun. Inflatable mattresses are too low, too soft and too cold. Don't do it! But aside from that, I thought it would be nice to join my teenage daughter and her pals on a horse back ride. I have only ridden once before, with the girl scouts a few years back. This time they gave me a young strong horse explaining that the older horses couldn't handle my weight. Harrrumpph! And the guide warned me to "move like a ninety year old man." He didn't know I was something of an expert on dementia related apraxia. I know how ninety year olds move and can do a reasonable imitation. Well the horse didn't seem to appreciate it, he threw me on the ground, dragged me a while, then stomped on my leg to make sure I wouldn't get up and chase him. I spent a very uncomfortable night in Inland Valley Medical Center where I got pretty good care in the ER but the worst nursing care I have ever witnessed on the floor. It made me sad to think of the patients who end up there without a skilled advocate.I had a couple of follow up surgeries at Huntington Memorial where the care was excellent. I had student as well as staff nurses care for me over ten days and can tell you, it's better now than when I trained there in 1980. I lost about 4 months work and will likely have more surgery to maximize my recovery and minimize what will be a lifelong handicap. There is a diagnosis called "altered body image" that is supposed to describe how someone feels when they lose a limb, or acquire a scar. It doesn't nearly describe how going from a regular gym attendee to complete bed rest makes you lose your identity. I have been an advocate of risk taking, because overcoming challenges makes you better at living your life. But be sure the risk is a reasonable one. Riding a unsuitable horse can teach you the reverse of the saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And wear a helmet.

2011

Well this was the year that was, in many ways the worst of my life. One of the minor issues was a week without power this winter when a windstorm took out a thousnad trees in the san gabriel valley. Because of my disaster ioperattions training at work, and because we are certified to board regional center clients, my wife and I have prepared better than many for loss of services. And as usual in a natural disaster, the ones who weather it best are the older adults. We couldn't stand ourselves in the evening, going to bed at dusk, when dusk is 4:45 just won't work. And we had gas and hot water. How we would ever be able to survive a real total breakdown of the utilities is more than I can imagine. And yet we must imagine it.
I have water, flashlights, food in storage and of course, tiki torches! And although I can't seem to forage a single meal out of our garden, I do think I could get at least one from our hens. Well we planned a nice break from all this roughing it. We're going camping!

So Proposition 8 is back in the news as it's constitutionality is under judicial review. Yesterday I officiated at a funeral for a wonderful man who had a committed relationship with another man. The older adults in attendance were somewhat disturbed by the almost continuous outpouring of love that came from his friends in the gay community. They were eager and driven to get up and talk about their friend and his life, while the seniors sat passively and tried to keep their jaws off the floor. It was one of the few times I was negatively impressed with the culture of age. I think for gay and lesbian citizens to be fully accepted, they must have full rights. In order for their in group support system to be blended with the family of origin, there has to be routine, traditional events that are inclusive.

Back in the field of aging?

So I thought I was done with older adults.A year ago I accepted a job in correctional treatment and turned my back on elders. But I found my knowledge and experience followed me. I was assigned duties that built on what I brought to the job. And I found a bunch of social workers that need to have a ten hour training on "Aging and Long Term Care" so they can get a license. Part of my old assignment was to teach such a class. And the social workers in jail work really hard. They deserve to have the class provided, instead of having to pay hundreds of dollars to take it on their own time. So this week I am teaching a class on older adults. I will draw heavily on material I presented here, and in past presentaions that I refer to in past blogs. But there is news. Older Adults continue to make the news. The most recent event to make a headline was the death of Dr William Butler. He was the psychiatrist that coined the term "ageism" in 1969 and with his wife, a social worker, wrote the first text book I had on aging. They also wrote a book together called Sex over 60. He died of leukemia at 83 years old on Independance Day. He will be missed.

A throwback to the times some of our more senior seniors can remember is the victory garden. Instead of watering a lawn, an status symbol of excess created to show we are too rich to count the money we trow away, the yard is devoted to a patch of soil meant to grow food, herbs and flowers for our homes. In the past, hard times would encourage creativity in taking care of ourselves- in world war two, the produce you grew was an indirect support of troops who recieved the commercial crops. In the dustbowl era of the great depression, it was the only way to get fresh food for many families. Older adults have the farmers most valuable asset, experience. Failed experiments- trials that didn't end in product. Ask the old lady next door if she knows when to plant, and what needs sun. She will teach you things that you didn't know that you didn't know. Ask the senior why he cuts his roses back on New Years and the details of deadheading and five versus three leaf clipping will make your own head swim. And the exercise you get in a day of gardening is better for you than watching a whole week of Food Network on TV.

I’ve tried to warn you about the evils of gambling. It gets in your blood and spoils your life. It uses the most powerful psychological tool known, called “intermittent positive reinforcement.” If you took a psychology class, ever, you know that negative reinforcement is punishment, and positive is reward. And you learned that consistent rewards will produce the target behavior, but when the reward stops, so will the behavior. But is the reward comes irregularly. If you get a cookie, or a jackpot, every third or fifth or seventh try, the behavior may never go away, even when no more rewards are produced.
So why is this seniority issue? As you know, I read the news, so you don’t have to. In Connecticut, home of Foxwoods, the worlds largest casino, there were these two older adult sisters. They always went to the casino together to play bingo and cards. Then in 1995 one of them won a big jackpot, $160,000 bucks! They had an agreement to share winnings, and they did. They even wrote up a little contract, and had it notarized. Now you may not know it, but most gambling contracts are not valid. A legal agreement to do something illegal can’t be enforced. But the two sisters had a falling out. Now they are 83 and 87 years old. And big sister won a half million dollars in the powerball lottery.
Even though they hadn’t talked for a few years, little sister saw the news and wants big sister to cut her in for half! And guess how far the case has gone? All the way to the State Supreme Court. And they seem to be on little sister’s side. It was illegal to gamble when that exception was devised, and the lottery is legal, so then should be the contract.
And aside from the jackpot, you know who wins? Of course they both have lawyers, and they’ll get paid, collections fee for $250,000 is going to buy someone a new pool, you betcha!