From Yahoo Shine

By Elise Solé, Shine Staff | Parenting FCKH8Today in awesome parenting news: A father, who learned that his daughter disowned his grandson because he was gay, responded in the most amazing way. Dear Christine, I’m disappointed in you as a daughter. You’re correct that we have a “shame in the family”, but mistaken about what it is. Kicking Chad out of your home simply because he told you he was gay is the real “abomination” here. A parent disowning her child is what goes “against nature.” The only intelligent thing I heard you saying in all this was that “you didn’t raise your son to be gay." Of course you didn’t. He was born this way and didn’t choose it any more than he being left-handed. You however, have made a choice of being hurtful, narrow-minded and backward. So, while we are in the business of disowning our children, I think I’ll take this moment to say goodbye to you. I now have a fabulous (as the gays put it) grandson to raise, and I don’t have time for heart-less B-word of a daughter. If you find your heart, give us a call. – Dad. The letter was posted on Monday to the pro-gay youth organization FCKH8's Facebook page. It received more than 5,000 shares, 11,000 likes, and 600 comments. "We are going to be sending his grandpa a free 'Straight Against Hate' tee for being such an awesome example and inspiring so many," FCKH8 spokesperson Luke Montgomery tells Yahoo Shine. "The world needs more parents and grandparents like this who know that the true 'sin' is rejecting your own children just for them being gay." Many parents get it and are expressing their unconditional love in various ways, from penning heartfelt letters to posting Facebook updates that have quickly gone viral. In September, when Michelle Conway McClain from Union, Missouri, learned that her son had come out on Facebook, she posted a response on her own page: "Zach, I was surprised by your Facebook post where you came out. I want you to know that I love you unconditionally. I love you with my actions, not just my words. I'm so proud of you. You are the bravest person I know. I'll fight for you always. Your sexual orientation does not define you. You are still the boy who forever won my heart. The only thing that concerns me is the number of empty soda cups and tea bottles in your room. Throw them away before ants come inside. I love you always, Mom." In March, a father who overheard his son contemplating how to reveal his sexuality, intercepted him with this note: "I overheard your phone conversation with Mike last night about your plans to come out to me. The only thing I need you to plan is to bring home OJ and bread after class. We are out, like you now. I've known you were gay since you were six, I've loved you since you were born. PS: Your mom and I think you and Mike make a cute couple." The letter was also posted on FCKH8's Facebook page. And in January, a 15-year-old named Laurel came out to her parents by baking them a cake (she called it a "gayke") with a message that in part read, "Your acceptance would be the icing on the cake." Then, they ate cake.

At the end of my last post, I said we were going camping. Let me assure older adults that are considering taking up tent camping in the winter that you are suffering from impaired judgement. It's cold out there! Public showers are no fun. Inflatable mattresses are too low, too soft and too cold. Don't do it! But aside from that, I thought it would be nice to join my teenage daughter and her pals on a horse back ride. I have only ridden once before, with the girl scouts a few years back. This time they gave me a young strong horse explaining that the older horses couldn't handle my weight. Harrrumpph! And the guide warned me to "move like a ninety year old man." He didn't know I was something of an expert on dementia related apraxia. I know how ninety year olds move and can do a reasonable imitation. Well the horse didn't seem to appreciate it, he threw me on the ground, dragged me a while, then stomped on my leg to make sure I wouldn't get up and chase him. I spent a very uncomfortable night in Inland Valley Medical Center where I got pretty good care in the ER but the worst nursing care I have ever witnessed on the floor. It made me sad to think of the patients who end up there without a skilled advocate.I had a couple of follow up surgeries at Huntington Memorial where the care was excellent. I had student as well as staff nurses care for me over ten days and can tell you, it's better now than when I trained there in 1980. I lost about 4 months work and will likely have more surgery to maximize my recovery and minimize what will be a lifelong handicap. There is a diagnosis called "altered body image" that is supposed to describe how someone feels when they lose a limb, or acquire a scar. It doesn't nearly describe how going from a regular gym attendee to complete bed rest makes you lose your identity. I have been an advocate of risk taking, because overcoming challenges makes you better at living your life. But be sure the risk is a reasonable one. Riding a unsuitable horse can teach you the reverse of the saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And wear a helmet.

2011

Well this was the year that was, in many ways the worst of my life. One of the minor issues was a week without power this winter when a windstorm took out a thousnad trees in the san gabriel valley. Because of my disaster ioperattions training at work, and because we are certified to board regional center clients, my wife and I have prepared better than many for loss of services. And as usual in a natural disaster, the ones who weather it best are the older adults. We couldn't stand ourselves in the evening, going to bed at dusk, when dusk is 4:45 just won't work. And we had gas and hot water. How we would ever be able to survive a real total breakdown of the utilities is more than I can imagine. And yet we must imagine it.
I have water, flashlights, food in storage and of course, tiki torches! And although I can't seem to forage a single meal out of our garden, I do think I could get at least one from our hens. Well we planned a nice break from all this roughing it. We're going camping!

So Proposition 8 is back in the news as it's constitutionality is under judicial review. Yesterday I officiated at a funeral for a wonderful man who had a committed relationship with another man. The older adults in attendance were somewhat disturbed by the almost continuous outpouring of love that came from his friends in the gay community. They were eager and driven to get up and talk about their friend and his life, while the seniors sat passively and tried to keep their jaws off the floor. It was one of the few times I was negatively impressed with the culture of age. I think for gay and lesbian citizens to be fully accepted, they must have full rights. In order for their in group support system to be blended with the family of origin, there has to be routine, traditional events that are inclusive.

Back in the field of aging?

So I thought I was done with older adults.A year ago I accepted a job in correctional treatment and turned my back on elders. But I found my knowledge and experience followed me. I was assigned duties that built on what I brought to the job. And I found a bunch of social workers that need to have a ten hour training on "Aging and Long Term Care" so they can get a license. Part of my old assignment was to teach such a class. And the social workers in jail work really hard. They deserve to have the class provided, instead of having to pay hundreds of dollars to take it on their own time. So this week I am teaching a class on older adults. I will draw heavily on material I presented here, and in past presentaions that I refer to in past blogs. But there is news. Older Adults continue to make the news. The most recent event to make a headline was the death of Dr William Butler. He was the psychiatrist that coined the term "ageism" in 1969 and with his wife, a social worker, wrote the first text book I had on aging. They also wrote a book together called Sex over 60. He died of leukemia at 83 years old on Independance Day. He will be missed.

A throwback to the times some of our more senior seniors can remember is the victory garden. Instead of watering a lawn, an status symbol of excess created to show we are too rich to count the money we trow away, the yard is devoted to a patch of soil meant to grow food, herbs and flowers for our homes. In the past, hard times would encourage creativity in taking care of ourselves- in world war two, the produce you grew was an indirect support of troops who recieved the commercial crops. In the dustbowl era of the great depression, it was the only way to get fresh food for many families. Older adults have the farmers most valuable asset, experience. Failed experiments- trials that didn't end in product. Ask the old lady next door if she knows when to plant, and what needs sun. She will teach you things that you didn't know that you didn't know. Ask the senior why he cuts his roses back on New Years and the details of deadheading and five versus three leaf clipping will make your own head swim. And the exercise you get in a day of gardening is better for you than watching a whole week of Food Network on TV.

I’ve tried to warn you about the evils of gambling. It gets in your blood and spoils your life. It uses the most powerful psychological tool known, called “intermittent positive reinforcement.” If you took a psychology class, ever, you know that negative reinforcement is punishment, and positive is reward. And you learned that consistent rewards will produce the target behavior, but when the reward stops, so will the behavior. But is the reward comes irregularly. If you get a cookie, or a jackpot, every third or fifth or seventh try, the behavior may never go away, even when no more rewards are produced.
So why is this seniority issue? As you know, I read the news, so you don’t have to. In Connecticut, home of Foxwoods, the worlds largest casino, there were these two older adult sisters. They always went to the casino together to play bingo and cards. Then in 1995 one of them won a big jackpot, $160,000 bucks! They had an agreement to share winnings, and they did. They even wrote up a little contract, and had it notarized. Now you may not know it, but most gambling contracts are not valid. A legal agreement to do something illegal can’t be enforced. But the two sisters had a falling out. Now they are 83 and 87 years old. And big sister won a half million dollars in the powerball lottery.
Even though they hadn’t talked for a few years, little sister saw the news and wants big sister to cut her in for half! And guess how far the case has gone? All the way to the State Supreme Court. And they seem to be on little sister’s side. It was illegal to gamble when that exception was devised, and the lottery is legal, so then should be the contract.
And aside from the jackpot, you know who wins? Of course they both have lawyers, and they’ll get paid, collections fee for $250,000 is going to buy someone a new pool, you betcha!

Pick a little, talk a little.

There is a letter to the editor in today’s Pasadena Star News asking why people talk during the performances at concerts. The writer, from San Gabriel may have been at the concerts at the park here in Temple City or at Arcadia or one of the many other town concert series held during the summer. “It seems disrespectful to the performers and the audience” says the writer.
I go to these concerts, and I don’t go for the music. It’s usually mildly entertaining, but the chance to catch up with neighbors I might only see there or at the polls on Election Day encourages visiting and talking. Some of the people that I only see there are Ken Picas kids. They’ve got lives away from Temple City and come home to see their Mom in the summer, and come to the park to see the rest of us.
We buy raffle tickets, and discuss the politics of the city- it’s really interesting this year. We buy snacks from the boy scouts and sister city organization. The concert is just an excuse to show up. There may be a shift in focus, I notice Westwind Productions isn’t on our calendar this year, and the Hula dancing, fire eatin’ group is one of my favorites.
The music is certainly loud enough to hear over a nearby conversation. So mind the stage, lady, this is a private conversation!

Today is the anniversary of the Stonewall Riot in New York that perhaps began the gay rights movement in 1969. That movement continues today in the effort here in California to overturn Prop 8, the ban on equal rights for all citizens. One of the issues that the groups that voted for 8 don't seem to get is that the people that started the ban on same sex marriage are coming for you too. They will eventually use the momentum to redefine birth control as abortion, outlaw your choice about using fertility technology to help infertile couples and make taking a contraceptive a felon homicide. They are coming for you. If you don't stand for freedom of groups that you aren't a member of, no one will be left to stand for your rights.
One way to arrest the momentum is to ask President Obama to overturn DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act that Bill Clinton was bullied into signing a few years ago. Another is to support the campaign to invalidate Prop 8 in California. You can talk to your friends about the rights of gay and lesbian couples to marry. The lies that were used to promote prop 8 (teaching gay sex in schools, forcing all churches to marry queers, etc)
Never forget, they are coming for YOU!

Today was the ceremony to recognize the Temple City Older American of the year. I was invited to the ceremony because of a small involvement in the process, I had nominated Joey Carey for the honor. You might remember her from my piece on exercise, she taught me the use of walking sticks. She has also been teaching square-foot-gardening and computers and photography at the senior center here in TC and in Arcadia. For a lady in her seventies, she sure doesn't let any grass grow.
She was given recognition by four levels of government today; The City of Temple City by Mayor Judy Wong, The County of Los Angeles in Supervisor Mike Antonovich, State Senator Carol Liu and Representative Anthony Portantino.
It was really quite nice, Joey gave a little pitch for home gardening and there was a delicious cake. She'll be riding in the Camellia Parade in February. I don't know if there are any other duties.

As I said, Today is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. Wear purple, show your support. At oday's Older Adult System of Care meeting I will remind the agencies involved to carry on the struggle for this population which is going to become a central issue in our society over the next thirty years. Boom this.

Well, I have finished my role in the older adult system of care and am going into correctional treatment. I don't know if I will continue to have a voice about senior issues and post, or if this space will go dormant. I hope to continue to do some reviews, and I will update the wedding post when I get something new there. For now, faithful reader, goodnight!

Glow Bracelets

I think a lot about safety issues, for seniors as well as adults and kids. One of the things that most threatens seniors is falls, and dark is one of the big causes of falls. I wanted to explore the possible use of glow in the dark items for safety- like the necklaces and stuff they give at concerts. So I found a site on the web called: glow bracelets and went to the safety link. they have tape, gloves and all sorts of stuff that could be used for either marking a door or stairway, or for identifying people in the dark. There are vests, hats and other kinds of glow in the dark wearables.
A lot of these things like the jewelry and wands are made for and used by younger people for dance parties, and they are particularly fascinating if you've taken ecstasy, a hallucinatory stimulant. I don't condone using it, but I do recommend checking out glow bracelets for the paraphernalia. The potential cardio-toxic effects of X to older adults would not be safe. Despite the fact that people have always found a way to get high, and the better technology we develop, the more ways there are,I think most older adults prefer to stick to a nice cocktail. Please read my 2007 marijuana blogs for details.
But the folks at glow bracelets also have some items like home decorations, and party packs that can be delivered next day to your door! I might promote those on my wedding blog too, since bachelorette parties might order there! They have drinking glasses to, kind of ties in the bachelorettes and older adults.
Another part of the web site is the gift ideas. They have glowing wrapping paper, lava lamps, light sabers, phones and other cool stuff that again, can be delivered right to your door. Sounds like I'm adverstising for them, I know. I am doing a review, but they can't buy my opinion, just the attention to form one. Be sure to adjust the order to US Dollars, it came up as british pounds for me.
Stay safe!

Well it looks like I will be leaving the world of older adult services at the end of next month. After nine years of alter cockers I am going to work in a new assignment. I don't know what will happen here yet. Should I continue to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong? Or should I close shop altogether? Since the passing of Dana last year, my writing has been less structured, I have spent more time on the novel than on this blog. Since I am not published in print, I don't have a sense of feedback. Does anyone read these? I don't know. I tried to turn a buck by selling out and writing a paid review- anyone got their Peloop? The advertising isn't getting a lot of attention either. That won't pay my bills. I tried to expand to more general issues, I don't get cited on other blogs anymore. I won't even have a booth at the heath fair next month. What's a curmudgeon to do? Watch this space for important future notices!

I was at a Sierra Club meeting this week at which a pharmacy professor and a Native American healer presented information on native and imported plants used for healing. One of the more interesting threads came from the use of local flora to treat TB at Dr Briggs clinic up in La Crescenta. In the day of drug resistant strains, there are unexplored treatments that were never developed because the expense of testing to meet FDA requirements didn't look like it would pay off.
We certainly need regulation of medical devices and drugs since it is still so common that imported herbs have Viagra ground in them and pills sold on the Internet have no active ingredient at all. I just wonder if restructure of the health care system could bring about a more rational process of finding out what works. It makes me suspicious that there are more people employed in finding a cure for cancer than there are people with cancer.

You're A Twit.

I am starting a new network, in response to myspace, face book and twitter. As above, it will be called you're a twit, and it will be the first Anti-social Network. In YAT we will not poke, tweet or tag. We will not not bother each other at all. If we need to get a message to another YAT member we could maybe write a letter. Mostly we will just wait until we run into each other at the liquor store. We won't post videos on you tube or text pictures to our cell phones. If you want to know what I looked like in high school, come over to the house and we can look at my yearbook and drink a beer. If you like, we can skip the yearbook. Now that I think about it, don't come over at all.
I have resisted a life long impulse to make of solitude a religion. But I can make of it a club.

WORLD ELDER ABUSE AWARENESS DAY

June 15th 2009

Well, I’ve written a few pieces here on older adults and sexual behavior in the past, but this time will be a first. I was asked to review a product web site for a device to improve the male sex organs. Now first you might ask, “Can the male sex organs even be improved? Can you build upon perfection? I can only answer in the words of one of my best friends, a card carrying lesbian- (she showed me the card once) “Ewww!”
The site is found by looking for penis enlargement - URL http://www.peloop.com/.
And there you will find the most curious add I’m ever likely to send you to. It’s a very scientific description of the device a man wraps around his business and it has magnets and some other stuff in it that emits growth rays and air vitamins to not only stop the inevitable shrinkage that age visits upon our junk, but also this nearly magical device can make the whole thing work better too! Penis enlargement - URL http://www.peloop.com/ is one of those best sellers on the internet, you can sell just about anything that suggests it can make a penis bigger, or look bigger, or work better, will sell. Some people are a little shy on the computer so they might do a search for male enhancement instead of GIANT FUNCTIONING PENIS but would still find their way to the same Male enhancemment - URL: http://www.peloop.com/.
So what about the product itself? Well if they send me a free one I will give it a try and report back to you faithful reader. In the meantime I can only tell you this: The only scientific proof I know of for a device that makes your penis bigger is a vacuum pump. They sell in the backs of diabetic magazines and if you use one to draw a lot of blood into the corpus cavernosa and then restrict it from leaving with a cock ring, you’ll have a big , usable , possibly painful boner. If you have tried the peloop let me know how it worked!

A senior doctor at University of Edinburgh had an article published yesterday that warns about the menace of medicine to today's elders. The push, somewhat driven by pharmaceutical companies to prescribe preventative treatment may make the majority of healthy older adults into patients, taking drugs and suffering side effects and the risks of monitoring- blood tests, etc.
The dilemma we have to work with is how to apply the technical knowledge we have developed with values of self determination and freedom. It takes a court decision to ensure people with strong, but non-standard religious beliefs can follow them. Christian Science Practice and blood transfusions for Jehovah's Witnesses for example. What about a person who doesn't like the sexual side effects of her anti-depressants? What if she can't communicate her wishes to her caregivers? Ethics is by far the hardest part of medicine. It used to be about who gets the very limited resources of care. Now it's just as often about who gets to say "No."

I'm not sure exactly what the topic is here today. The things swimming in my head are the story of the 83 year old female burglar arrested in Hungary this week. She was charged with burglary since she had a long history of the crime, enough to be known as "the flying thief." She was called that because of her usual escape method using an airline flight. She rides the rails now to travel because it's free for pensioners in Hungary.
The other story on my mind is unpublished. A woman rang my doorbell this week and asked if we had a blanket we could give her. She was not aged but did have grey hair, maybe sixty or so.
She said she was being allowed to sleep in a church, and had a mattress but it was cold. I gave her a blanket but that's not all that went with her. Thoughts about the great depression, the attempts that my department and many others have made to reach out to the homeless in Los Angeles, all followed her back to her shelter.
Jails in LA are no place to take shelter. They are rough and crowded. But then so are the homeless shelters. Older adults tend to avoid the shelters because it's hard to defend yourself there. The older homeless tend to be more isolated because it's safer. they may be more entrenched in the lifestyle and have a harder time adjusting to living indoors. I have a note hanging in my office from an 80 something year old man thanking me because he had a room and a bed and he felt like I had a hand in getting him those things. I have kept the card long after the man lost his placement because the culture of violent crime he lived in took him back.
The word Hobo is having a resurgence. I hear my daughters and their friends use it. I wonder if we are having a return to the behaviors that went with the word- giving a sandwich to a man at the door, just because he asked, and I have.
I hope that the values of kindness, of paying forward, of helping first and asking questions later are not lost in the new age of need.