I went to a class on forgiveness last week. It was a training in providing mental health services to older adults at the statewide conference in Napa. A psychologist named Patrick was the presenter. He had come to learn about forgiveness in working with older adults on suicide prevention. In the course of that work, he had collected some powerful stories. The stories of terrible events people had suffered and the effort they made to come to a decision and forgive someone who had hurt them brought everyone in the room to tears. What became clear was that the victim made a selfish decision to forgive. Their hate and anger were harming themselves and the people who were close to them in the present. It was an act of survival to give the offender the gift of forgiveness.
Some older adults have carried resentment for many decades, often unable to recall what the original offense was. Sometimes the details are fresh and memory of the feelings is sharp and clear. It takes being ready to forgive. Someone who grew up with alcoholic or abusive parents may have nurtured their anger for 50, 60 years or longer! If you think you might be ready to consider forgiveness, write a letter (you don’t have to send it!), tell someone your story, but give it a new ending. Consider the choice, try out the words, see if you can unburden yourself. By the way, you don’t have to be a senior to do it.